Vietnamese traditional family values
By Ton Nu Luong Trinh
Traditional values of Vietnamese lifestyle were deeply affected by Confucian
ethics. During thousand years the Chinese invaded and maintained control
Vietnam, Vietnamese culture was permeated by their Confucian philosophical
beliefs. This philosophy based for the existence of and extended family
structure through 2,000 years of Vietnamese history (Lam). It was believed that:
..."in order to achieve human perfection, one must follow the established
codes of behavior of Confucianism which include reverence for ancestors and
respect for elders...The importance is not upon the individual's accomplishments
but upon his duty to family and society" (Muzny).
The Vietnamese household traditionally followed the extended
multi-generational pattern. The parents, their sons and their wives, their
children, and unmarried siblings usually constituted a Vietnamese household. In
this structure, frequent contacts were maintained, and this constant closeness
to family was emphasized from childhood and continued to be important to
Vietnamese throughout their lifetime (Lynell).
"Most Vietnamese placed more emphasis on their roles, privileges and
obligations within this group than on their own individual desires"(Muzny).
In this extended family, the most important expectation was respect for the
elders. The family decisions were made by the parents and grandparents. The
traditional Vietnamese worshipped ancestors as a source of their lives,
fortunes, and civilization. The spirits were honored on various holidays and the
anniversary of their death (Tran).
For centuries in Vietnam, traditional family values were accomplished by the
fulfillment of traditional roles: the role of man and woman as parents.
Vietnamese valued their traditional ideal of male superiority. Since the highest
status in Vietnamese families is given to the man (father), he had absolute
authority in the household. His position as provider for the family was
unchallenged. Because he provided the main source of income for the household,
he was never expected to work in the kitchen or to cook. After work he returned
home and relaxed. As a head of household he had the final decision in all
matters, although he might consult his wife or children. In her report, Phung
cited that the father, however, had the duty to exercise restraint and wisdom in
running his family in order to deserve his respected position. Having a boy in
family was a "must" because the eldest son would assume the duties of
his father when he died. A family which had no son to continue the process was
superstitiously thought to have disappeared forever.
In a patriarchal society, Vietnamese woman had limited rights and took a
secondary place in family. Women were brought up according to a strict
discipline, and have been traditionally less educated than men. They usually do
not enter the job market outside the home. "Girls from birth were at a
disadvantage". Daughter is not considered necessary in heritage. According
to Lam, Vietnamese traditional viewpoint was "If you have a son, you can
say you have a descendent. But you cannot say so even if you have ten
daughters".
After marriage, woman became housewife and mother. She was expected to be
dependent upon her husband, budgeted his income for the household, took care of
children and even grandchildren, performed all household tasks. According to
Muzny, divorce was legal but not common. A wife can be unhappy in her marriage;
but rather than accepts divorce, the family encouraged her to sacrifice and to
endure the difficulties of the marriage for the sake of her children.
Women work at home 
Parental role in family was to define the law. Obedience and respect were
the traditional virtues which Vietnamese children were taught to exhibit in the
family. Discipline and physical punishment were acceptable remedies for
disobedience in the Vietnamese tradition. "Harsh discipline and beatings
did not constitute abuse of a child, but its reverse: loving care, concern and
attention" (Breeman). When parents grew old, children were expected to take
care of them to compensate for the gift of birth and upbringing. The elderly
(parents) were supported by married or unmarried children until they die (John).
"Boys and girls are not free to do what they want. Girls are under
strict supervision" (John). Western style courtship and romance were seen
as inappropriate for unmarried children. "Virginity is cherished. Pregnancy
out of wedlock is uncommon, and it is a grave disgrace to the family" (Muzny).
For their children's marriage, parents generally made decision because they
could judge better. Vietnamese parents had a high regard for education. It was
considered a way for family advancement. Parents encouraged their children to
study and excel in their education. Vietnamese placed a higher value on
education rather than on material success. In brief, "Depending upon the
family for financial support, requesting permissions for expenditures, and
having parents make decisions for them characterized the traditional Vietnamese
child" .
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