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Dating 101: Dealing With the Race FactorAsian American men are the least preferred mate for Caucasian womenMy Comment: As an Vietnamese male who practically grew up in Caucasian environment, away from family and Asian community, I had no any other choices but romantically involved with Caucasian females, it has been great and normal for me. I found that being an Asian in a circle of white friends and society had imposed some advantages & some disadvantages, and the biggest challenge is to get away from the "Asian Male Stereotype" projected by the Mass Media such as Movies, TV shows.., which portrait Asian males as either dorky / nerdy or villains. How to cope with four common obstacles in interracial datingBy dating editor Arnold Chao Exclusive to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Jun 5, 2009A recent study on racial preferences of online daters provides some interesting findings. Based on profile-searching criteria set by singles using Yahoo! Personals, the UCI case study reveals that gender plays an important role in interracial preferences:
The cross-cultural revolution is not going to be launched on the Internet
dating scene, where people often follow racial stereotypes when looking for
love, the researchers said.
In spite of these findings, there's always an exception to the norm, and I
should know as an ABC (American-Born Chinese) who met and married another type
of ABC (American Brazilian Caucasian -- yes, I just made that up). Like any
couple we've had our ups and downs, but we've somehow managed to bond well for
almost a decade.
For those of you involved with a date -- or mate -- of a different race, check
out these obstacles of interracial dating and ways to overcome them.
Dating Obstacle #1. The Traditionalists
I've encountered several people who possess strong opinions about interracial
dating: A South African told me that people should date within their own race;
my Korean American friend found it inconceivable to betroth a white woman;
some Asian guys I've met told me they loathe competing with white guys to woo
Asian bachelorettes.
Yes, the resistance against interracial dating persists, even in the diverse
San Francisco Bay Area where I live. You should consider that citizens in most
U.S. states were legally
banned from marrying outside of their race until 1967.
How do you cope?
Surround yourself with pals who tolerate diversity. As individuals, we have an
innate desire to be understood; and as an interracial couple, the desire
remains the same. You must learn to accept adversity and not let it influence
your individual judgment. The acceptance you receive from a circle of friends
strips away your sensitivity to snide comments that oppose your open dating
preferences.
Dating Obstacle #2. The Stereotypes From Mass Media
Can you blame the TV producers and advertisers for playing it safe by catering
to the majority? After all, they measure what appeals to a mass audience and
go with what we're familiar with. It's no mystery that stereotyping the
population is much easier than representing eclectic subgroups within our
population. As an expected result of this, the general public absorbs
oversimplified images of various ethnic groups -- and how they pair up -- in
every media imaginable.
How do you cope?
Recognizing the biased reality of the media business in itself resolves much
of the adverse impact of broadcasted stereotypes. Avoid "keeping up with
the Joneses" and don't think you have to date like all the idealized
couples the generic media fodder has fed you. Boil your beliefs down to what
really matters to you, and you'll become stereotype-resistant.
Dating Obstacle #3. The Offensive Family Member
It happens: You'll attend a family gathering where your estranged uncle shows
that he may not be as culturally enlightened as the rest of your family. The
off-color jokes spew out of his mouth. He snickers. You're in shock. Your
significant other is in shock. The tension builds while you attempt to cool
the blood that boils within you.
How do you cope?
Realize that there may always be a family member, or friend, who has trouble
thinking before uttering insensitive opinions or bluntly racist remarks.
Prepare for these confrontations. Let that person know if you think his/her
comments are offensive, and choose honest yet eloquent ways to respond.
Practice what you'll say and when you'll say it -- so when the situation
happens, you won't let your emotions get the best of you. If this person is
worth dealing with, he/she will respect your straightforwardness.
Silence will only prolong the issue. Share your thoughts to show that you care
about how you interact with everyone, and vice versa. This is not the time to
be shy. Demand respect. You deserve it.
Dating Obstacle #4. The Gazers
I know. It gets old. Not everybody is used to seeing an interracial couple.
People will stare at you. They may even display a frown or a furrowed brow.
How do you cope?
Ignore the natural response of attempting to read their minds. Who knows what
they're thinking when they stare: Maybe they admire you two as a couple, or
they like your threads, or they just haven't seen your "kind"
before, or they're waiting for you two to show some affection so they can
label you as a couple rather than friends. It's pointless to keep wondering.
Instead, imagine you're a celebrity. In fact, you are. You might well be the
spectacle of the day for them. Thrive and celebrate your uniqueness. These
public encounters add flavor to the otherwise bland experiences of their
lives. You're simply desensitizing them to the notion of colorblind dating.
Sooner or later, they won't look twice ... because they've seen it before.
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