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The Vietnamese family
Throughout its history the family has formed the corner stone of Vietnamese
culture and society. The family unit has preserved its status through Chinese
and French domination, the 30-year struggle for National Liberation, Communism
and Doi Moi (the current policy of market reform and the trappings of
westernisation and modernisation).
The institution of the family has come under intense pressure throughout
Vietnamese civilisation. It is, however, regarded by many that the traditional
role of the family in modern Vietnam is under more pressure than at any other
stage in Vietnamese history. Doi Moi, the development of western style
capitalism, government family planning policies, modernisation, individualism
and westernisation seem to be assaulting the traditional family from all sides.
Despite this, the Vietnamese government recognises the importance of the role
of the family in Vietnamese society and sees it as a major element in combating
“social evils” such as drugs, prostitution, gambling, commercialism, that
have developed as a result of the transition to a market economy.
The future for the traditional family structure remains unclear. What is
certain is that Vietnam’s economic and cultural transformation shows no sign
of abating and it is within this context that the traditional family structure
must develop and change to meet the needs of the “new” Vietnamese way of
life. Vietnam and its family structure currently stands at an important
crossroad.
Traditional roles and structure
Influences
The family is the basic social unit of Vietnamese society. Its development
has been based on thousands of years of history. It has been influenced by
Chinese, French and American culture as well Confucianism, Buddhism,
Catholicism, Taoism and the cult of Ancestors. The family cannot be understood
nor separated from the culture, nation and country of Vietnam.
Collective identity
One of the basic premises that exist within the family structure is the idea
of collective identity. The individual’s interests and destiny are rarely
conceived outside of the framework of the immediate and extended family. The
young are not taught to develop their individuality. The considerations of the
family are always put before the individual. This collective nature is also
closely linked to the individual’s strive to achieve harmony with oneself.
Principles and values
The Vietnamese culture is based on four fundamental principles or values:
- allegiance to the family
- development of a “good” name
- love of learning
- respect for other people.
Allegiance to the family is seen as the most important factor. The family is
the centre of the individuals’ existence and the foundation of Vietnamese
society.
The collective nature of society and the family has important ramifications
for all of its members. The misbehaviour of an individual reflects badly on all
of the family members. Likewise, the success of an individual will bring honour
and pride to all family members. It is not uncommon for family members to
“blur the lines” of who has actually achieved an important job or position.
This is not done out of selfishness, but because the family as a whole is seen
as a single unit. The individual has not achieved that honour, but the family
has.
Filial piety
Traditionally the family has been the foremost institution for the education
of children. The children are taught from a very young age that they are to
forgo their interests for those of their family. Central to this theme is the
concept of filial piety (hieu thao). This is considered to be the most essential
virtue in Vietnamese society. Children are taught that they must be thankful to
their parents for the debt of birth, their upbringing and education. They are to
think of their parents and family first, to make sacrifices for them and to love
and care for their parents in their old age. A Vietnamese person who neglects
this responsibility is ostracised by both their family and the community.
This love and respect for the family also transcends to the village. The
village is not only a place to grow up and live but where their ancestors are
buried. In rural areas of Vietnam many people never leave the village where they
were born.
Entwined in these ideas is the concept of respect for elders. Vietnamese are
taught that at home they are to show respect to their parents, older siblings
and older relatives. This concept also transcends into the broader community.
Structure
“The daughter-in-law is one of the family
The son-in-law is a stranger”
The structure of the basic Vietnamese family unit is much more complicated
than the traditional western nuclear family. There is a clear distinction
between the immediate and extended families in Vietnamese society, but their
concepts of each of these are different to a western interpretation. The
immediate family is not just the mother, father and children, but also includes
the husband’s parents and the son’s wives and children. The extended family
includes the close relatives who share the family name and the ancestors who
live in the same community.
Roles and position
The role and position of each family member is reflected in the very complex
forms of address associated with its different members. For example, sons are
referred to by their relative birth position with the number one son holding the
position of most power and prestige. However, this form of address can be
further complicated by regional differences. Historically, the first son of
Vietnamese families in the north was sent to settle the lands in the south. This
means that the form of address for the sons of a family in the north is
different to those present in the southern portion of the country.
Behaviour patterns are directed to family as opposed to personal wellbeing.
Respect is granted to the head of the family and advice is often sought from
older members of the family. The father is seen as the head and as the
“pillar” of the family. Grandparents also traditionally wield large amounts
of power, due the their age, wisdom and status. However, for siblings it is the
eldest son that is deemed as the most important. This is a direct consequence of
his role in carrying the duty of honouring the ancestors.
Family relationships
“A wife without a husband is like a boat
without a rudder”
Despite recent changes the family remains a patriarchal institution. Women
are traditionally subservient to men and are taught that they have to obey three
men in their life. Firstly their father, secondly their husband and finally
their oldest son. However, events in Vietnamese history have meant that, on many
occasions, women have been used to being alone and taking over the family. They
are well regarded and traditional sayings reinforce their endurance, suffering
and sacrifice.
“The father is to the child
as the roof is to the house”
Parent and child relationship
Traditionally parents regard their most important responsibility as training
their children. A disgrace brought by a child is borne by the parents. The
family is the main socialising agent and children are taught, at a very young
age, to follow the doctrine of filial piety. Talking back or disobeying parents
is an unacceptable breach of this doctrine. The children’s obligation to their
parents extends to their care in their old age. The responsibility even
transcends death when the children are expected to carry on their obligation
through ancestor worship and the maintenance of ancestral tombs.
Siblings and extended family
Relations between siblings are determined by gender and birth position.
Members of the extended family are tied closely through the complex linguistic
terminology, the cult of ancestor worship and the extension of filial piety.
Ties with the extended family are generally very close. It can extend to aunts
and uncles taking an active interest in their niece’s and nephew’s care. As
the Vietnamese proverb goes:
“If the father or mother lacks or fails, children are
always taken care for by an aunt or uncle”.
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